Drama Queen of 2012

by Nathan Hague

Every week we hand out a Drama Queen of the Week award and every year we hand nominate a Drama Queen of the Year Award and the winner’s face goes up on Mt. Diva. Last Year it was won by Meta World Peace, formerly known as Ron Artest and he’s back at it again this year, but with some fierce competition. Here are the nominees and what they’ve done to earn their way onto the ballot, or in one case, the ballet. Each candidate wrote a letter to Santa asking for the award.

Once you’ve read and considered each candidate, please vote in our poll and listen for the final results on our next podcast.

The New York Jets:
This Jets team is led by a loud and obnoxious coach who for the first time in his head tenure with the Jets, did not guarantee a Super Bowl, but still is a deserving candidate. Everybody knew Tim Tebow would not be a good fit in New York but the Jets are, like many things in the Big Apple, the Jets are all about attention. Ryan and others in the front office obviously care more about making headlines more than winning and they managed to do just that. We all know Mark Sanchez is not the answer and Ryan likes to act like he doesn’t like be asked about the quarterback situation but he’s not fooling anybody. Then they bench Sanchez but not for whom you’d think. Rumors have it the Jets are interested in Trading Tebow to the Lakers, only for draft picks and attention, minus the draft picks.

Dear Santa,

I don’t know why I even f**** bother writing anymore because you never get me what I want but I guess I have nothing better to do. The last few years I’ve asked you for a Super Bowl ring and not the one my dad wears. I want one that has the word “Jets” on it not “Bears.” That’s Jets, “F…I mean ‘J-E-T-S’ but I guess that’s too much to ask. You brought the rings to the right city, just the wrong team.

Truth is Santa, I’ve lost hope in you delivering me a Super Bowl ring that’s why I’m not going to ask you for one again for at least another nine months. I know Tom Tebow is not the answer but I figured if he can bring his religion to New York, we might have a chance but he let me down and didn’t help us win.

What I really want from you is the Hague Sports Drama Queen of the Year Award. I think it’s the best thing for me and my team to have my face up there with the great ones. It would bring the attention we deserve. If not my face, you can carve my foot up there if you want. I think my team deserves nothing less.

Rex Ryan

ESPN: The so-called, self-proclaimed World Wide Leader in Sports knows how to kill a story, even the best of the best stories. You know when you hear a song played over and over, even if you like the band and the song, you start to hate them after a while because of how much they’re overplayed. That’s the case with ESPN and the way it covers some stories. One example of this stands out during the rise of Jeremy Lin. ESPN said something like, “Linsanity has exploded off the scene and everybody’s talking about him.” They then showed clips of their own people from different shows on the same network discussing Lin.

Dear Santa,
This year has been a great year in sports because we’ve been on top of all the stories, and when we feel there are no more good stories to report, we create them, usually by playing the race card. Nonetheless, allow us to cut to the chase, we want to the Hague Sports Drama Queen Award. Several of our employees have been up for it and even won the Drama Queen of the Week and figured we really would be the World Wide Leader with recognition on Mt. Diva. We make ordinary stories great and before you know it, everybody is ripping off of us. After we starting pointing out the obvious similarities between Jeremy Lin and Tim Tebow, everybody’s eyes were opened and starting with the comparisons. After we started talking about March Madness, others started talking about the same thing. Now, we’re talking about the NFL and guess what other networks are discussing, that’s right, the NFL.

If you grant us The Hague Sports Tiara and a spot on Mt. Diva, we will make that part of our Top 10. Thanks you so much,

The World Wide Leader in Sports,

Artest (or World Peace) won the much coveted award last year in part due to the name change and also in part to all his on court antics. Throwing fists, elbows and his usual troubles got him on Mt. Diva for 2011 and the same type of problems could get him up there again for 2012 as well.

Dear Santa
Peeps have already forgotten about the time when James Harden Ran into my elbow. Look, it is what it is. No I didn’t apologize. There’s no need to. I think you’ve too quickly forgotten about my so many things I’ve done because it has been a while but still have done so much in 2012 and will continue to do so in order get my face back on the Wheaties box and on Mt. Diva and defend my Tiara, After all, I come in peace. I’m back on the nice list.

Roger Goodell: Trying to get rid of such a great play like kickoffs is one of the most ridiculous ideas ever, but many NFL fans have come to expect nothing less from the commissioner. He wants to add playoff teams. He’s already changed the overtime rules and he continues to hand out fines left and right. The changes he’s implemented and wants to implement would make a difference for a long time, much longer than a year. It’d be a shame not to consider Goodell for the award.

Dear Santa
I’ve never actually written you a letter before but I guess better late the never. I’ve done several things this year to get my name on the nice list. What’s nicer than trying to keep players safe? I want to get rid of kickoffs completely for safety of my players. I extended the overtime rules to make sure players have limited opportunity to get hurt and want to extend the amount of teams who play in the postseason. That’s the best thing for their safety. Also, I’m saving up to buy a Hague Sports Tiara and get my face on Mt. Diva. I’ve continued to fine the saints and other players who breathe on the quarterbacks. Earlier this year, I gave reffing jobs to the middle class, providing jobs to those less fortunate but some players didn’t like my decision. I believe my acts to make the game safer go a long way in earning me A New Tiara and my face on Mt. Diva.
Roger Goodell, AKA RGI

Ben Dieter: The final candidate is the co-host of the podcast. Each year the guys come up with a friendly wager for the March Madness tournament and when bouncing around ideas for the 2012 wager, Dieter suggested the loser should try out for the Nutcracker Christmas. He ended up not losing but still tried out, and got the part. Evidence suggests he planned all along to be part of the ballet and if he lost, he would’ve been able to us say he was doing it as a result of losing a bet. Several months later, he kept it a secret from some and was extremely open to others about it, sending out a Facebook message about how fun the ballet was while forgetting to block Jason, a member of the podcast who read the messages on the show. The letter went something like this:

Dear Santa,
I don’t know how to ask Nathan so I’m asking you if you’ll ask him to give me the Drama Queen of the Year Award. You saw me dancing around giving it my all. I suggested that the loser of the March Madness bet just in case I lost so I could useit as an excuse as to why I did it. However, after I avoided losing, I decided to try out for it and got the spot I wanted and tried to block a lot of people on Facebook from seeing how excited I was but left Jason’s name unblocked. However, I stand up and say I’m proud of what I did and my performance was spectacular. I just think a Tiara would go real well with my suit. Thanks so much,
Sugar Plum Dieter

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