There has been a lot of talk over the last few years about income equality, marriage equality, race equality, religious equality, that I thought I would take a few minutes to talk to you, the readers of my blog, about baseball equality. While there is a large amount of inequality in the world, there is none as glaring as baseball inequality, especially to fans of the Texas Rangers. The New York Yankees have won 27 World Series while playing in 40, and the Texas Rangers have won zero World Series while playing in just two. My friends, this is unfair and I have decided that I will start the discussion on how we can fix this terrible atrocity.
There are currently 30 major league teams, fifteen in each league. My first thought was to split the wins between the American League and then the National League by who had won in each league, but again that would be unfair to the National League because of the Yankees having so many championships, so I figured this would be the most fair way: American League Championships will be split equally among American League teams, National League Championships will be split among National League Teams, and World Series Championships will be split between all teams, even the Canadian one. The only teams that gets punished are the Yankees and Cardinals, because they have the most and the only way to make it fair is to give them less since they have taken more over the history of baseball than any other team.
So I will start with National League Championships: currently the L.A. Dodgers have to most with 23 pennants won, and the least went to the Nationals and Brewers with none. So, now, here is how the National League will pan out after I apply baseball equality:
Each team would now have 8.8 National League Championships, but since we can’t have that, we will take some away from the greedy Dodgers to make it even. So we will give everyone 9 National League Championships, and give the Dodgers only 6 because of their greed over the last one hundred years or so of having so many. So congratulations fans of teams like the Diamondbacks, Nationals, Brewers and Marlins. You went from 0, 1 or 2 respectively to 9! So get those pennants ready and hang them with pride. No, you didn’t earn them, but the fair baseball practices police will give them to you!!
Now, on to the American League Championships: the very greedy Yankees have 40, count them, 40 American League Championships, and that is so one sided it is just wrong. So once we spread the wealth in the American League it will look more like this:
Each team would now have 7.5 American League Championships, but we can’t let the Yankees have the same as everyone else, so we will cut them out completely which gives each team 8.07 American League Championships. Houston has not been in the AL long enough to warrent the full 8.07, so we will give 3 of theirs back to the Yankees, making it look like this –
New York Yankees – 3
Houston Astros – 5
All other American League Teams – 8
So now I can say very excitedly that the Texas Rangers have eight American League pennants! Such great news!
Lets move on to the World Series. The Yankees once again own the market on this, and it is totally unfair for everyone else in all of baseball, so we will spread the World Series out as so:
Each team would roughly have 3.66 World Series Championships, which is not possible so we need to punish the Yankees and Cardinals, who have won 38 of the 110
World Series I am using. If you take the Cardinals and Yankees completely out of it, then each team would have 4 World Series championships (roughly, the number is actually 3.92, but close enough). Well, in honor of fairness, we can’t take them completely out of it, so here is what I propose.
We give all the teams 3.5 World Series Championships to begin with (the panel that will be put together can decide which teams get to split titles), then we take the ones who have too many (Yankees and Cardinals) and we take away their half games and them add the remaining 5 games, and give them to the eight franchise that have never won a Championship. So it would look like this:
Texas Rangers – 4 World Series
Seattle Mariners – 4 World Series
Washington Nationals – 4 World Series
San Diego Padres – 4 World Series
Milwaukee Brewers – 4 World Series
Colorado Rockies – 4 World Series
Houston Astros – 4 World Series
Tampa Bay Rays – 4 World Series
NY Yankees – 3 World Series
St. Louis Cardinals – 3 World Series
the remaining 20 MLB Franchises – 3.5 World Series each.
That would leave two World Series unclaimed that we could use at a later date to help balance the fairness out as teams win the Series, which would eventually be eliminated for a more fair system of “who is up next to get one”. I personally think that this would look great for baseball and it would do a whole lot for helping out the little man who has yet to actually win a World Series , and it would make everyone a winner instead of just those teams that have worked hard and earned it. I will be forwarding this idea on Rob Manfred to get his approval, I think he is going to love it. I know for sure I can get the government behind the idea of baseball equality! Finally, My Texas Rangers will have the Championships that they deserve!
*This post is intended for humors purposes only and should not be taken seriously. Or maybe it should……..